'And when life gets dark, I always find my light'

Dina Elmahy tells Lara Alsaid about her hectic life – fatally ill sister, job loss and stress – and how she triumphed in the face of this adversity.

Sunday evening and Dina is laid on her friend's sofa, she needs to escape the mess in her home, it's a symbol of how drained she is. She's not going to work tomorrow as she resigned, even though she’s already in deep debt and has no other source of income. Her sister, who means the word to her, has just been diagnosed with a terminal disease, she doesn’t know how much time she has left with her. “I just don’t know if things are going to get better, do you think things are going to get better?” Dina looks at her friend and hopes her answer will dim the fear she’s feeling.

The past year had been both difficult and revolutionising for Dina Elmahy, 42, living in Stockholm, where she had the chance to change things that she had been struggling with all her life.

In the beginning of year 2022 Dina was working as an assistant to an ambassador at an embassy in Stockholm, a job that she had given her all to for nine years. It was a workplace that lacked ethics and morals and it didn’t build her up, rather it tore her down. She stayed at that job for nine years because of superficial reasons.

Dina resigned knowing that she was taking a huge step into the unknown “I was terrified, I didn’t know how I was going to survive,” Dina explains. And slowly that fear transformed into belief, she felt like she was finally strong enough to no longer normalise sources of domination, abuse and manipulation.

“I rather take a path where my integrity is intact and my beliefs are nourished, rather than to remain in a place that kills my spirit.” Dina continues.

For four months Dina was jobless and broke. At times, she didn’t even have money to buy herself a cup of coffee or an underground ticket and sometimes she struggled to buy groceries. She didn’t know how to survive, especially when she had all her bills and rent to pay. “I believed that this will not be my story, the struggle was just a part of my life, I was tired of feeling that I was constantly struggling.” Dina says.

Dina had also reached a weight that was unrecognisable, she had never weighed that much in her life and had contracted type two diabetes. She realised at that point that she was slowly ruining her health. So, she did a gastric bypass operation, but she was afraid that it would change her relationship with food.

Nothing gave Dina more joy than cooking. She had taken a risk and started writing a cookbook, which was financially demanding. Food connected Dina to her heritage, she is Egyptian and that meant everything for Dina, as it was in Egypt her story started. She had started a catering business that she had built up from scratch that had got more recognition. She could do what she loved every day. Her dream was to open an Egyptian restaurant.

When Dina was worried about the operation she spoke to her sister Santina and she explained that as long as her relationship to food had everything to do with her heart, nothing could ever change it. She was absolutely right; big sisters are always right. It hurt grieving someone who was still sat in front of her. Because she knew that this person, who had carried her through the worst times of her life, will be taken away from her in the worst way possible. Dina’s sister Santina was diagnosed with a terminal disease and had no timeframe of how long she had left in this world.

One summer evening Dina was at her lowest point, she was laid on her friend's couch, her house was so messy that she couldn’t stay in it, she didn’t have the energy to clean it. Dina looked at her friend and asked her “I just don’t know if things are going to get better, do you think things are going to get better?” And her friend looked at her and went “You have to remember that you’ve left a job you hate, you’re improving your health, things have already gotten better.” Dina started to cry “But my sister.’’ she said, and it went silent, because sometimes you’ve got to gracefully let go of things you can’t control.

Young Dina and big sister Santina

Miracles happen, Dina got a new job. Ironically enough, Dina’s new job position is being a case specialist at a health insurance agency for the Swedish government. The job is to be there for people when their life is taking a turn for the better, for people who are in similar positions that she was in.

Now Dina has hope, even though she still feels like she is swimming in a sea of sorrow because of her fatally ill sister. But at least now, her head is above the surface. “I can keep swimming because I’m floating, I will eventually find my shore. I'm looking forward to that feeling, that I made it, I did it.” Dina concludes with a big sigh.